It's New Year's Eve and I'm NOT dancing on tables yet.

What's wrong with that picture? Is it that I'm bored..no. Is it that we're not in a great local dive waiting for the ball to drop and waiting in long lines to the little girls room after too many cheap beers? no. It's that we are at home tonight...for the first time in a few years, we are at home, got some martinis made, champagne for later, watching the neighbors do fireworks, listening to the dogs bark at those fireworks, watching Tennessee get their booties beat by some other team, put the Christmas tree away for next year, ate some great seafood at Joli Mon's in Dunedin for lunch, and are getting the phone calls for New Year's greetings...and making them.
What are you doing tonight? Probably not reading this, and if you are, good for you! There's nothing wrong with getting on the old home pc to check up on world events like I do every few hours some days simply because my attention span isn't long enough to watch good television or movies...we watch those in three parts usually these days. Jude is sleeping, Nick just made some weird noises from a dream so I went in and did the whole patting on the back comforting thing (something I've never been good at, but am now. In the past, that was way too intimate ;). Life is good, and though the past year was filled with some of the most trashy human interest stories this side of Wewa, we made it.
Looking forward to seeing the newly Unretired Coach Meyer do his highly paid job tomorrow and kick some Cincinatti butt, and for FSU to clean out West Virginia (that's for my beautiful sister, a fellow FSU alumn who is actually rooting for her alma mater unlike myself a big traitor and big Gator fan). My dad loves West Virginia as my folks have a vacay home in them thar hills in a tiny dot of a town called Zenith (it is not on a map but it's gorgeous). so, may the best team win.
What are your resolutions? To pick up litter on the side of the road? To read "The Road" again and try to find any sense of optimism or hope? To read more books to your children at night? To buy your beloved animals good food instead of that cheap crap from Dollar General? To give that bum on the side of the road more than a dollar bill?
Whatever they are, or it is....keep it real, and make it attainable. Losing 40 pounds is probably not realistic if you still love your steak, pizza or beer. Let's be real. Losing 10 is a good start.
Go from there...and every now and then- tell someone special that they are special. What you think, and what you say are two totally different things. Believe me, what I write is what I think, and it's not usually what I need to say.
Stay safe, friends, and keep it on the road.

Musings

Sometimes I think there are certain types of people who just enjoy being unhappy. These people tend to blame others for their own paths in life, and always default to the pessimistic viewpoint when available. They tend not to think things are funny when they should be, and unwittingly come off as sour grapes. And who wants sour grapes unless they are fermented and in a nice big bottle with a cork in it? Not me!

The "Me Decade"

As this year comes to a slow dripping, crawling end, there are many bloggers speculating on what the past decade has been about. Some people I know would automatically name the Iraq Conflict as the numero uno definitive cultural event of the decade, others 9/11...these people both really talking about the same issue but naming it differently in order to appease their own political viewpoints. I would venture beyond the most obvious military event in the past ten years so far and brand the past decade as the "Me Decade." And here's why:
Myspace- though i never used it to promote my own rock band, my own videos, or my own personal yearbook, millions did. It is still hugely popular and has launched the careers of many pop stars who would has otherwise been left singing at some dive in Opopka FL waiting for some Disney agent to discover them. It helped the idea of self promotion rise to a whole different definition, and made everyone a web-star in their own mind.
Reality TV- began in the 90's with MTV's the Real World and the CBS Survivor series among others, but the family tree took a whole new root and grew ugly, deformed cousins like "I Love New York, "Rock of Love", "The Bad Girls Club", and "Jersey Shore." While I enjoy some reality tv shows like "Top Chef" and "Project Runway" both on Bravo ( the wink wink more upscale den of cheesy reality), these reality shows took some of life's most extreme stereotypes (the ghetto girl, the aging rock star, the Guido) and exploited the hell out of them, all for our viewing pleasure. Who said we haven't made progress in our loving, open minded country? I'm all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it...
Facebook- Had to do it, had to list the most recently used of all "me" applications. For free, I can read all about whatever truths or lies my friend write about themselves, see their pictures, post my own crap, make fun of others musings and usually have a good time connecting with general pop culture ideas, nostalgia and bond over current news events. Others use it for work and networking purposes and others for bored at work pasttiming. Yes that's a word. This is the ultimate "Me" decade definer. It is the yearbook on the internet, no need for back and forth phone calls, just hear "Me" out, and I'll read your status and post later....I jest but it can be an efficient, useful and fun network to use. Just remember, "You" are not the only one out there!
Media Fame- ever since Ted Turner showed the critics that 24 hour news like CNN could work, others popped up like a 5- headed Hydra. And, since not everything newsworthy happens in a 24 hour period, the media started giving dorks like Jon Gosling and Paris Hilton segments of news time, thus making the dumber of our species think that this is actually news. Also, this led to "normal" not on tv people think that they could achieve their 15 minutes of fame....like the balloon boys parents, and led to all kinds of stupid acts of dumbness by otherwise average people who thought fame was the answer to all their middle class boring lives. Wrong! But, again, it's all about the "Me" in this decade...look at me! I'm drunk and sniffing coke with my boyfriend on UTube!

Whew that is enough groaning about this decade for a while. I didn't even mention all the sniveling politicans and athletes who cried when they got busted for serial cheating, and the fact that the CLINTONS are still with us, thank you very much Mr. Obama.
Have a great night, kids, and thank your lucky stars that in a few days, the "Me Decade" is turning into something as yet to be determined.

A Poem

"When You Are Old" by W.B. Yeats

When you are old and grey and full of sleep.
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
and loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled,
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And his his face amid a crowd of stars.

Back, and there again......

And so how are you? I'm totally on overdrive, unpacked for hours, sooo glad to be home, miss my old home in PC - one would think this means my parent's house which is great, but really it's just the whole darn city and county.....too tired to write anything substantial. Urban Meyer did Tiger a great favor this weekend, hope Woods appreciates the distraction. The drive from Bay County to Pinellas county is like a history book in the modern development of the state of Florida....I've done it so many times growing up going a few times a year to see my parents relatives that I could do it blind, but I don't- that would just be stupid. Tomorrow evening--- I will catch up with the thoughts going on in my mind....Jude is slowly going to sleep back in his room listening to NPR- which would put anyone to sleep. Good forbid I put on my beloved conservative talk radio with Neal Bortz or Rush ranting and raving about our newly re-socialistic society and keep him up all night worrying about the future of our country ;) So all is well, lots of new toys to unwrap and so much plastic to recycle...yes us conservatives recycle. Get lots of sleep for me and pray for a wonderful Monday full of sunshine and fishing weather towards the end of the week when our whole family can get down to the causeway and fish our hearts out. I love this time of the year..the water is clear, cool, and there's less people taking good fish out of the water...
tata for now, until i think of some cheesy but meaningful poem to post.

Merry Christmas, and yes I am on the road and being lazy

Just so you know, since last week I've been up in the Panhandle of FL, visiting my own family and now in Pcola visiting my wonderful in-laws before returning to PC for the last 4 days of the week. Tonight, get to leave both my sons with their grandmother so we can go get 25 cent oysters and cheap beer at some great place with my borhter and sister in law and their friends... can't wait! I didn't realize when I left Clearwater that my parent's pc was on the blitz, and their new laptop isn't quite up and running yet, so i really didn't have convenient access to write more. I can't wait to get back home and bore you with my wisdom, high i.q. and random personal opinions on this blog for the New Year. Can you believe it's almost 2010? And i will be turning 36 YEARS OLD on Jan. 16. It makes me laugh just to think about it. I am not one of those women who fight aging, in fact, I am happier now than when i was 26, but it is always a sentimental day when you are marked for that many LESS days on earth...how's that for morbid thinking?? hee hee. Anyway, YOU have a great holiday season, don't eat too much and I will write alot more when i return!!

Fun with Men (reposted because i think it's funny)

There was a recent online article by a writer for the NY Daily News or something that, for entertainment purposes, listed the types of women or "girlfriends" to avoid. So, for fun, and to avoid any political talk, I've done the same with men. Here goes..and do be amused, not offended.

1. The Stalker- let's get this one out of the way. Don't feel bad if you've never had one, it doesn't mean your any less attractive or meaningful in someone's life. This is the person that writes you notes, letters, or texts you on a level that means more to him than to yourself. This is the man who, perhaps by a confusing message you, the girl, sent (which happens), pursues you with the same vigor as a bluehound to a hare. This person proportionately becomes less attractive to you the more they profess their devotion. OR, this person sends you innapropriate letters to your home after you are engaged or married...not that that's ever happened to me ;)
2. The More Talented One- this has happened to me, I only realized it years later, and it was ok because I had since moved on. This man is the one who is already in mid-career, mid- higher education, or mid- traveling around the world, who although seems to spend all his time with you and introduces you to family and friends, pretty much lives his life as though you're just in it...like a great accessory to his wonderful life. This man, although can be very kind, loving and sweet, sweeps you up in his own timeline of his great master plan without really ever asking you about your own, or even considering that the two should converge. That is why, usually, they don't!
3. The WTF Man- this man, has all the great things going for him, a good job, good friends, a car, good credit. He introduces you to his mom, he mentions "marriage", he dances with you and shows you to friends, making you feel like you're in a romantic gossamer lit dream. Then, for no reason (no fights or other reasons you can remember) he just doesn't return your call. Or he starts to make dates and then cancels. I understand that some men get themselves in too deep and then want to take a step back, but so do women! Just freaking tell us! That way, we don't feel like idiots and wonder what we did wrong, until we just remember you as the jerk went weird on us.
4. The Physical Being - This man is the one you are really really attracted to, physically. The one you love to hold hands with, kiss and generally love to look at. But...you know that you'll never have anything in common because there wasn't anything there in common to begin with except the holding hands, the kissing and the general making out. This isn't usually just a "hook up" or one night stand, but someone you keep hoping you'll find mentally compatible with, but don't. You stare at him over breakfast and just know that if you mention "The New York Times", he'll look at his watch, add an hour, and then tell you what time it is ...in New York. Sooner or later, you have to let this one go, he'll only disappoint you, and you're wasting his time also.
5. The One Who Got Away- ok girls, this one's for you. Most men don't even spend their time worrying about if they married or are with the right one, they just find someone who puts up with their stuff and are happy in the moment. Let This One go....this is the man you occasionally think about since you haven't seen or talked to them in about 10 years, and you sometimes are on the verge of contacting just to say "hi." Don' t do it! They are perfectly happy, and probably remember you with some fond, if not humorous memories of puppy love and have their hat hung on someone who didn't know them when they were hormonal adolescent young men who wrote you love letters, painted for you, or professed their love before diving naked off a Bay Point bridge. You know I'm talking about at least 5 people at this point, but it does narrow down to certain men you wonder about. Don't do it. Don't do it. If they really want to find you and still love you, they'll make that move. Life is too short to not take chances, they just need to be the right ones.
6. The Turd. - This man is the one who you hang out with simply because you're bored, you like having someone around from the opposite sex, and who you expect nothing from. Ideally, a great situation, but it's never that easy. Someone always gets into a groove and thinks it will last. It won't.
7. The Married One- OK- I have NO experience with this, but just stay far far away. He only likes you because you're not his wife or girlfriend.
8. The Slow Fade- This man is all good up front. Everything is perfect, fun and going great. Only, over time, the things that made him great start to fade, he starts to not shave, not bathe, not change clothes, and stops caring about going out. This is way after he has already commited his love to you, and your dumbbutt has moved in or something. This is a game, people. It's called "Catch and Release". Let him go!
That's all for now, I hate putting down men, it's so tragic. They are wonderful to have around but, this has worn me out, like most relationships. I need a break.
Have a great night, friends.

Dirty is the new thing

So I read this article, in probably Oprah's zine or Real Simple while waiting for Nick to finish his vision therapy, about the new trend in parenthood- letting your children be children, and just letting them "get dirty". Sorry I can't quote the source, but it was great and novel idea....how after a decade of parents one upping each other, holding their young children to the highest standard, and basically scheduling every minutes of their waking lives with classes, training, or some kind of mental or physical skill, the new trend is to let kids play in the mud, act their age, and not be expected to act like a product of the parent's wildest dreams. I was so excited about this article, to know that finally, maybe parents can start concentrating more on letting their kids ride trikes, finger paint, and do kids's stuff rather than:

1. learning Mandarin Chinese in order to fully compete with the global economy.
2. Excelling in soccer, baseball or any other sport so much so that they wet their pants every time practice season starts.
3. Or teaching their kids at age 4 to speak to adults like they are robotic spin-offs of their own parents, saying things like " I think this year's vintage Malbec is the best wine and much prefer it over last year's Australian Merlot".
I mean, let's kids be kids before they grow up and terrorize us with their own hormonal wisdom and knowledge, please! The article was saying that alot of parents, faced with new financial hardships and one income households, are downsizing their kid's schedules, and finding that their children are more focused, less tired, more happy and less stressed about fulfilling their parent's high standards. Did this start with the whole American Idol, reality show crap we've had to deal with the past ten years? Partly so, it said. Parents suddenly thought their children were untapped vessels of high i.q. talent, artistry or athletisism.
It's not to say we shouldn't want the best education for our young offspring, or want them to be around the best teachers, mentors and friends. Just to say, let them play in the mud every now and then, let them ride bikes, get sweaty and enjoy an ice cream rather than a low-cal frozen yogurt becuase you're worried about their figure...they are kids! Let them be...and reap the rewards of a happy child who falls asleep with visions of birthday cakes and playgrounds rather than visions of mommy teaching the Arabic language and daddy giving instructions on mancala to a 3 year old.
They grow up soon enough, don't they?

so here's what we had to do....

We went to my sister's for a pre Christmas visit with friends, food and beverages. The people my sister and brother in law are friends with down here are wonderful, fun people that come from everywhere and have somehow all ended up in the Tampa, Clearwater or Brandon area. My husband and I got there early to hang out, visit each others babies and help out. We left at 8:30 pm...the reason why that's a big deal is usually at parties we are the last people there, in fact we usually stay the night over in Brandon, as do they when they come over here (an hour drive across Tampa). We had to make that decision that every person with a child has to make- how long to stay, how long till we have children that are suddenly turning into devil's advocates running around with meatball appetizer toothpicks and trying to swim in their pool.
Jude is great right now, all he needs is a feeding every 3 hours and he chills out looking at everyone with a furrowed brow, just like I do (he is a smaller, male version of myself). The big decision consists of the comfort factors...we decided instead of staying untill 11 or so, then having to get home, put everyone to bed, then trying to stay up like we do to bond over some wine or a movie and conversation- we decided to leave. That in itself is the big sacrifice...the big "we're doing this because we have children" decision, and it worked! We were able to have a great time, visit, and then have a few hours here on a humid 80 degree Saturday night, and have time for me to write on this blog, and not feel like we missed out. What a great night.
After 2.5 years of parenthood, I felt that i finally figured out the solution. It was a moment of zen, with Phillip driving out of Brandon, past the Ybor city signs, the Tampa International Airport where he works, through the Courtney Campbell Causeway, looking at the lights on the boats docked at Rocky Point, and into our beloved Clearwater/Dunedin area. We worked it out, half the evening out with two boys, and then half the evening with them in bed and us just enjoying ourselves at home. A very nice Saturday night.
And of course, what better way to bond than over "Talledega Nights" with Ricky Bobby on cable and some weird shaped white dog named The Dude who has moved with us six times, and never once has asked us to please feed him some organic, expensive dog food. Dream on, The Dude, maybe after tax returns.
These are good times, people, good freaking times.

greetings and salutations!

Getting ready for a Christmas party in Brandon this evening- I love having a reason to get dressed up and wear something besides t-shirts and running shorts. Still trying to decide which day I'm traveling up the peninsula to Bay County territory...it will be a long trip with two younguns but what can you do? I am planning a wine party for my birthday in January, since the weather usually is wet and cold, and Jude is still too young to leave with a sitter, we decided to have it at our own home to make things easier on me. Nick will go to bed by 7 as usual, and he sleeps like a lumberjack through any kind of noise. I am looking forward to some fun games, goofy prizes for best and worst tasting wines (without insulting any of the guests) and trying to find more ideas online. I am thinking it would be fun to throw in some Strawberry Hill into the anonymous brown bag mix of wines for the tasting and see if anyone can tell that it's the infamous pink joy of grapes.
Anyhoo..how is your day? What are your plans for this weekend? Looking forward to getting the new Harry Potter out of DVD like we are? Maybe not? I have added a few more goals for this new year to my list:

1. try, once again, to become a vegetarian. After I eat my mother in law's awesome ribeye dinner next week in Pcola.
2. Take up yoga again.
3. Smile more- i've been trying since Mrs. Gauiter at Bay HIgh told me that she noticed me smiling more one year, than the previous (this was due, of course, to some kind of romantic drama and turmoil that was going on). So, Mrs. G I am still trying to smile even when I don't feel like it.
4. Stop making fun and yelling at the very bad drivers down here. Some of them...need to be retested...I won't even go there right now, because I know driving is a big sign of independence..
5. Keep in touch with old friends better this year...I've already been better lately,a nd enjoy that connection to my girlfriends who know me so well.
6. Do more for the senior citizens here.

ok- weell, hope you have a good one! I got about 3 hours sleep last due to a 1am feeding, then 2 hours of baby farts, grumblings, and then my other son knocking at our door at 5 am ready for the day with a poopy diaper. JOY. My eyes are swimming in caffeine and may just stay crossed the whole day.

NY Resolutions Part 2

• listen to more of that jazz and blues, and Cash I love.
• enjoy the oils more...love painting and large blank canvases covered with my own creative crap.
• walk my dog more often, he loves it.
• accept the fact that my dreams assimilate themselves into other people's plans also, and that's "ok"
• tell my family members that I love them.
• give kisses to my sons every day.
• find more time for private "me" time without compromising any "family" time- wouldn't that be perfect for anyone?
• chill out every night, not just every few.
• point out the stars to my sons more often this year.
• tell my husband "thank you" again, for being such a good father and husband.
• learn more from my grandparents, both in their 80's...more about the Labonte, McCarthy, and McMullen family tree.
• forgive
• to relish romance, old and new, and to never forget how important that is in life. Dancing is vastly underrated.

Well, that is enough for now, don't ya think? More to come, what do you have? weekend coming upon us and not enough time to plan it all out. Might go see the old McMullen Heritage Pioneer Park they have down in Largo this weekend, the botanical garden next door is all festooned in Xmas lights... have a good one, all of you!

New Year's Resolutions...

Be Nicer to Democrats...after all, they're people too.
2. Stop worrying about distant relatives. They're fine.
3. Find another charity to get involved with this year...it's been a while.
4. Be more "cuddly and affectionate"- yuck!

musing

One another note, what are your favorite songs? If you really think about it, you probably have alot on your i-pod, your mix cds, or on your pc like we do. It has crossed my mind that my selection of songs for any of those is so widely varied, it would never make sense to anyone else. Not that we do these things thinking about others opinions, just that I believe that music is such a great form of self expression. What do your selections say about you? I have downloaded songs from "Chicago" ("All That Jazz"), "The Sound of Music", "Moulin Rouge", then some old Guns N Roses thrown in. Also, "Stupid Boy" by Keith Urban, an underappreciated guitarist and songwriter, "Bulls on Parade" by Rage, "Rhapsody in Blue" ( Gershwin i think). Let's not forget "Lights Camera Action" by Mr. Cheeks, "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinead, and that crazy "Can I Get a What What" song by JayZ. I'm so uncool I probably didn't spell his name right. But that is a very smooth song with the high strings and strange bouncy sounds.
What do you like on a rainy day? Some Nine Inch Nails, some Etta James, some classic Doobie Brothers? On a bright sunny day, when you're jazzed up and put in something fitting- perhaps even some cheesy Jimmy Buffet or his modern day counterpart Jack Johnson, who always seems like he smokes a bong and writes about monkeys, palm trees, walking around, and being happy?
What a crazy weekend. The Gators lost, in a very poor fashion, to a great team. I knew it was going to be a tough game but thought it would just come down to minutes left in the fourth on who won. Sigh. At least we got out and enjoyed the weather, and I did enjoy two days with my whole family being together watching Jude smile for the first time. He is a peach, and definitely will be my mellow child. His big eyes follow every single thing, and he seems to keep his thoughts to himself, unlike his brother, so this is a different adventure altogether. Who would have thought I would ever have children...not me!
I'm going to go listen to some "Strange Love" by Depeche Mode and pretend like it's the mid eighties when all I cared about were my black converse hightops, my bobbed hair, braces, and which guy was writing me the best love notes and sticking them in my locker. Smiling.
Oh, how the past defines our future.

Ta ta for now, and sleep tight.

SPOUTIN OFF ABOUT THAT DAMN GAME

DAMNIT<>>>GRRR> BLOODY HELL> JEEZUS
WHAT THE HELL GATORS DID YOU JUST WAKE UP TIRED TODAY AND DECIDE YOU WERE GONNA PLAY LIKE A BUNCH OF SCARED HIGH SCHOOLERS AND LET THOSE BIG REDNECK THICKNECKED NATURAL LITE BEER DRINKING TUSCALOOSA LIVIN ILLITERATE FRIED CHICKEN EATIN INBRED MEAT HEADED OUTHOUSE LIVIN POSSUM EATIN COUNTRY LIVIN RED AND WHITE WEARIN FOOTBALLERS WIN?

GRRR>> THE BEST TEAM WON, THOUGH DIDN'T THEY. GRR.

A little salt..

"Make haste slowly." - Emporer Augustus

Partial poetry, cuz we wouldn't want to bore you...

From "The Well" Pablo Nerudo

Darling, you will not find
in the well into which you fall
what I keep for you on the heights:
a bouquet of dewy jasmines...

Do not fear me, do not fall
into your rancor again.
Shake off my word that came to wound you
and let it fly through the open window.
It will return to wound me
without your guiding it
since it was laden with a harsh instant
and that instant will be disarmed in my breast.

A little "Rye"

From "Catcher in the Rye"

"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."

This is the last line, I already posted the first line of this book, which I always find refreshing, modern, and funny every time I come across it. Maybe I'll post it again. I do realize Catcher is old school, cliched class warfare, high brow, snarky literature that everyone takes shots at now, but I still love Salinger, and all his other works. The only reason he's poked at by writers online is that they're just mad they've yet to have an infamous "Salinger siting", and good for him... if he wants to play dead forever, that's his right damnit.

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name.

This is the scene on this chilly, damp, wintery Florida evening.. fat cold rain drops hitting our patio, the second CD to "In Your Honor" by the Foo (the awesome acoustic one) playing even though it is the 100th time heard in the past four years since it's release...maybe longer. It is hard finding the time to research new music lately, so i've been putting on the oldie but goodies..mostly mix CD's of downloads I leave in the Xterra, that big red gas guzzler I love. Now "Carolina" is playing, it is a wonderful song. This has been a strangely exhausting week- started out fun, visiting alot, finishing holiday food, etc, then turned into a four day marathon of P working "nights" which is really 11am - 10 pm. Not a very common occurance, thank goodness, but it's pretty much the whole day, and putting the kids to bed alone that gets very tiring for me. That said, no pity party here, no way. I have a very nice roof over my head, clean clothes, a dog, two boys, a neighbor's citrus tree, days mostly full of sun, and a free moment - right now- to write. So life is good.
How are you? Do you really care how many girlfriends Tiger has, or are we just bored with more serious issues this week? Do you hope that health care plan goes through all the way this year? Do you hope some long buried birth certificate saying Barack was born in Honduras shows up some time? Are you hating on the Palinator? Are you waiting to see if someone you love is coming in concert this year? Are you thinking about your New Year's resolutions yet?
Here are some of mine....yet to be completely reduced, deduced, analyzed, and narrowed down to one.
1. Stop wondering when I'll get to see Dave Grohl again in concert...Tampa is a great place Dave!
2. When Jude smiles at me, stop getting all choked up thinking about how cute he is, and how I never used to want children.
3. Try really really hard to show my family how much i care about them.
4. Keep losing weight- 31 lbs and counting since Jude's birth. AMEN
5. Take deep breaths and remind myself that I am still Jennifer, attitude queen, knower of all things, romantic dreamer, practical doer.
6. Fall back in love, with an old hobby, a goal, a plan.
7. Keep my hair red....go even redder.
8. Buy more anonymous people their groceries, and make their day.
9. no more fake nails, tips or purple polish,,, keep the blue for game days.
10. Plan that trip to Belgium and the one to Scotland...finish the living will for boys since i hate flying and am very superstitious about it.

Part II

I used to think I was adopted. This was due to an oft repeated communication problem that happened "oft" between certain members of my family and myself. Those being referred to ala "Harry Potter" as them that shall not be named. I always wondered was there something wrong with me that they didn't seem to understand my perspective, and "oft" would take something I said in a completely different way than the intended purpose. This would repeatedly cause me to question my relationship skills, question my sanity, and question their biological and emotional attachments to their own family member, being myself.
It was never that I assumed they were trying to be difficult, but it always seemed that the simplest conversation starter, some innocent statement, would be taken completely out of context, make their brows furrow, the worry lines deepen and the next thing you know, the conversation would take a deep s- curve into communication hell.
Not that we didn't have some great talks...those still occur daily. And we love each other. But, still, after all these years, the ugly head of the "WTF" monster rears up and bites me just when I think we understand each other.
It's as if I've been on Greece this whole time, and the other is living in Italy- similar climes, great food - different language.
Say a prayer, people. Times are weird and wacky during the holidays.

Deep conversation

The thing about family...is that they are family. The implications are endless. Busy with out -of- town family still, this week. All is well. How are you, my two dozen peeps that read this? Give yourselves a pat on the back, for being good decent people, no matter what they say about you ;)
Talk to you later friends.

sometimes, more is better

I never knew what the big deal was with pop singer Lady Gaga, in fact I hate most pop music simply because of it's infuriating simplicity, cheapness, novelty driven one hit wonder sound that seems to never drive anyone to try more innovative musical sounds. That said, I listen to all types of music, and I am very open minded when it comes to certain pop producers, such as Timbaland, MIA, even Kanye before his huge ego leapt out of his closet and ate his own soul. THAT said, I officially became a Lady Gaga Fan this week, after finally watching some of her latest videos directed by Francis Lawrence, who directs big time Hollywood movies and as I have always followed the classic old school video directors like Spike Jonze who later made it big in El-lay, was curious about WHY so many people liked this Lady Gaga. ok maybe not LIKED her, but she's got the buzz. Finally, I saw a performance she did of her new single "Speechless", and well, she won me over. She's more Tori Amos than Britney Spears, and her crazy outfits, hair and makeup are more like pop art than some trashy tripe. At least SOMEONE is doing SOMETHING interesting out there in the pop world, and not trying to look like all the others. This artist was classically trained for vocals and piano in NY, and i can always respect someone who creates a name using some originality, even if it does contribute to her/his further commercial success. After all, the money does follow fame, and some people who work really hard, write their own lyrics, and play their own music, may well deserve some respect.
Lady Gaga is an example of the ends justifying the means, if her crazy outfits get you to listen to her music, then she is one smart business woman, and I can respect that.
Good for her!

Going down the Rabbit Hole...

Recently I was told that my "Grandpa", who passed away a few years back, and whom I held a special place in my heart, was adopted by his mother's second husband. I never knew her, of course, and never knew she remarried. I also never knew that she divorced her first husband...and was a little surprised at this info since you just don't hear alot about couples divorcing back in the "old days". Also, divorce is very rare in both sides of my family tree, which makes it more ironic that I married a divorced man, who like alot of my friends and almost myself, got married at a younger age with alot of stress on board. I've never held a negative attitude towards anyone who has tried the sometimes very hard act of marriage, and have always thought that most of us who attempt it are either crazy, naive, mentally unstable, or just plain bored. Anyway, Grandpa's stepfather raised him from childhood into the wonderful, witty, unique man that he became, and he had a happy and long life. What I am curious about now, is this birth father, his last name was "Labonte", my great grandfather.
That's all I know for the time being, and when my family gets together there's so much chitchat and barnyard chatter that I will have to remind myself this week to find out more.
Will there be more skeletons in the closet this year? More items to amuse me and my husband as we often marvel at the wonderful wackiness of our family trees and the stories they hold?
Oh....the stories I could tell, as could most people out there about their own families. What do we decide to tell our own children, nieces, or nephews? Do we leave the parts out about the political arguments over turkey day, the passive aggressive door slamming during family fire pit nights, the laughing over the lewd jokes during giddy late night Christmas Eves? Do we tell our kids about the oldest living McMullen (my very big pioneering family down here) that had a burlesque dancer show up to his 100th birthday?? Oh wait...shhh.. those kind of stories are meant to "stay in the family".....

Great music to dream by...

An oldie but goody that I just rediscovered on Napster...the soundtrack to "Out of Africa" composed by John Barry. This movie is one of my top ten of all time. It's got everything that I love- a true story of an aristocratic independent woman (Isac Denizen) played by Meryl Streep, and her naive purchase of a coffee farm in Africa. You know the rest.... one of the major components to the movie is the soundtrack, all instrumental. Just like the theme to "Jaws", "Indiana Jones", "E.T." and "Rocky", this music is unforgettable, albiet maybe less well known. The first track is the most well known to the movie's fans, but each piece after is perfectly scored to fit the mood of important scenes in the film. Just like the story, without giving it all away, each tune is simply sweet, soaring, or underscored with dark tones to fit each pivotal scene. If you're ever in the mood for great modern composition, without being distracted by a vocalist's flaws or personality, this is the soundtrack to add to the collection. Sometimes, it is just nice to hear music without the singing, without the added note of someone's distinct sound except for the composer's. It is enjoyable completely on it's own, if you've never seen the film, you will still enjoy the modern and fresh sound of "romantic" music that doesn't sound "romantic" or sugary sweet. The music, mostly strings, soars with a robust sound at times, and then lights up with single instrument solos and themes that are truly the sound of grace.
Highly recommended. and...if you haven't yet, watch the movie!!! It is the best non- love story love story you'll ever see. From my perspective, the land is the first love in the film, not the people, and that is what this Scottish, Irish, French descendant really related to.

Too tired to write anything remotely interesting

What a day, yard sale at 7, art festival, groceries, blah blah blah. Friday I spent 6 hours away from my family at a very old, very posh spa in Safety Harbor, that is directly across Tampa Bay from the airport, beginning the day swimming in a pool of pure mineral springs water that comes from the springs on site. It was FANTASTIC. Then a hot tub with the same mineral springs, then an herbal wrap where I was wrapped up like an enchilada by a mysterious accented woman and left in a dark room to relax and sweat out toxins, and felt a million little tickles of sweat that i couldn't itch. After that, it was on to a massage, which boulders of stress were rolled out like playdough by a tiny over 60 woman who had hands like a terminator machine. Finally, the day ended with a facial and my face was left with an oily lavendar sheen that i can still smell a day later. YUM. It is interesting that the springs were discovered in the 1500's by a Spanish explorer, of course, the Indians were using it for about 10,000 years previous. Just a few miles north of this site is a huge Indian mound (their dumping grounds) so it makes sense they used the inland Bay area for oysters, fishing etc and dipping their own stressed out bodies in the mineral bubbly.
I needed it. It was great. I am thankful for the gift. Now am fully motivated to book another one next year.
Girls do wanna have fun.

Funny wise man once said

"If I were two faced, would I be wearing this one?" Abe Lincoln.

Palin really bothers people.

I have ALOT of friends on facebook who are really upset that Sarah Palin even exists. I also have ALOT of friends who like her, respect her and wish her well. (Not one of them, now, will admit to being a BIG fan of hers, funny how finicky us Americans are when the "cool" factor is in play, much like ALOT of Obama's fans... I think I agree with a politico who said that ALOT of people voted for him because they thought it would give them mileage.)
Do people have nothing else to be upset about? I mean, ABOOT? Why give a HOOT if you just don't like her? Why don't you like her? Does she remind you too much of your mom??? Does her old fashioned, do it yourself, annoying, cloying and do-gooder attitude just irritate you? Then maybe you should go back to your cave of coolness, and get some Freudian therapy.
I jest! I joke!
I sincerely hope that some of the 30 something people that read this realize I poke fun of the news ALOT. And if they know me well enough or even have the same sense of humour, they get that I'm not making fun of any of my friends, just life in general these days....
Anyway, I sometimes want to tell people who get upset about our present set of politicians to chill out, but then I'd have to include myself in that group, and I only chill out once a year when the moon is full, bright, and there are no elections.
I'll go ahead and advise myself although the moon is about as bright as our truck after washing restrictions...
Chill Out, Ms. McCarthy, the world ain't gonna end just because your wise old man didn't win.

Hello...is it me your looking for?

Good morning. It's been a very busy past few days, as today will be. Last night I was so tired of the noise of two boys that when P got home at 4:30 I started getting ready for bed. Made it by 8 p.m. and read for about an hour, which is like heaven to me. Our littlest would not stop that cranky crying for four hours straight even though he had a full tummy, so he slept in the carseat (in our bedroom of course)- his favorite spot. So, he'll get some stretching out time today! Our other son was the same way, until he started eating baby food, they just get so cranky in the evenings.

The WEIRDEST part of my evening, during my long coma, was the dream I had. I don't usually pay much attention to dreams, even the "really real" ones, and by 5-6 a.m am too busy getting everyone fed that I forget them. I was so exhausted last night that the crazy subconscious mind brought out all kinds of weird images.

Here it is- I had a dream that JASON BATEMAN from "Arrested Development" kept trying to get fresh with me, AND that his crazy ex-girlfriend found out and was crying to my friends, thus gaining all kinds of sympathy and making me look like a hooker.

First, I have only seen a few episodes of AD, and yes they are funny. The most I have seen Bateman in are the movies like "Dodgeball" and other comedies that he's great in as somewhat small but memorable roles. Also, I don't know anything about any of his current or ex-girlfriends. I DO NOT have some secret crush on him.

So, I'm finishing up coffee after being up since 5:45 and need to get everyone dressed so we can make it to NIck's speech therapy down in Pinellas Park.

Hope all YOUR dreams come true today!

this is for my sons

Aubade

by Donald Davie (1922-1995)

I wish for you that when you wake
You emulate the leaf and the bird;
That like them, touched with grace, you take
Note of the wind. You have not heard
Its low-voiced billows yet, nor seen
(Lost in your less elated rest)
The empty light upon the green,
The leaves and tumbling birds that gave
The wind its due, and then redressed
That small excess, each bounding spray
A boat that dances on the wave,
A whip that tingles in the day.

It's the most blatantly broke time of the year...

Bring out your sob stories- I've got mine for the day! It just smacked me that Turkey Day is right around the corner, family all around, food, weight gain, football, etc. Then, the usual happens...we realize around Dec.1 that we are broke- I don't mean homeless broke, or a repossesed car broke, but sorta broke - like "how are we going to do Christmas?" broke. It seems to happen to us the past three years. Hmm--around the time we had our first child. Interesting. And it's not year round- it always seems to just happen in December that we don't have "extra money" due to the fact that most things are paid off, and we don't get late on payments or credit. What's weird is we always convince ourselves that our children don't really cost us alot- we don't go to toy stores, we don't buy them clothes, etc (we get LOTS from the grandparents, so much that there are piles of clothes and toys with tags still on them). We are very thrifty with grocery shopping, enjoy good food, make most meals at home instead of going out, only go out for seafood when family is in town, do outdoor activities almost every day that are free, and really get alot out of a week with our kids without spending alot of cash.

So what's the deal? It's the year-end curse. Maybe next year it will end. What can I say? Life is really good, and I am really happy and have been for years now. You can't buy that. I want my sons to know what satisfaction feels like- to not yearn for what everyone else has. It's harder to learn than it sounds.

Santa will just have to think smart, yet again, and get my family what you cannot buy- memories of fun, love and a good life.

I know I know- It's YIN and not YING. DOH.

Weather report

I LOVE nights like this. While I hate it that someone north of here is gonna get some crappy weather, I really enjoy the crazy wind gusts and the sound of our wind chimes blowing around like a warning of something evil coming our way. Ahh.. it reminds me of home- good ol Bay County, all those storms we sat through, waiting for the power to go out, for the air to go stagnant, for the food to rot, for the powerful smell of our DOG to come up through the carpet like an old spirit. Seriously, we've had such bright sunny days here so full of outdoor activity, that its nice to get one or two days of dark moodiness. The ying and the yang. The wind whipping around our patio furniture like a playground bully. Our dog whimpering at the sound of leaves piling up around the front and back doors. The phone calls to relatives while some try to figure out what they're expecting.

Ahh... the memories. Fortunately, this little part of the state doesn't get too many hurricanes or tropical storms as they usually move north and not straight east. We are lucky. Here's to you, Ida, for blowing the sand off of our porch, for making our wind chimes chime, and for making our dog antsier than Glen Beck after a Nancy Pelosi press conference.

Mad Men

I'll write more about this show again very soon. It's a gem. The writing is so deceptively simple, so true to character, and so intelligent that it's hard to describe to someone who has not been following it the past three years. It's beyond a normal tv show, it's a whole world of cultural references, human behavior, and well written suspense that one must enjoy each episode like a newly discovered treasure. I don't normally get this way about "television" but I do get this way about good writing. There is a big difference.

"Mad Men" deserves all the accolades it gets- and without much violence, explicit sex, or over dramatic acting, it won my mind due to it's subtleties. Every character is neither good or bad, but each acts like we all do- having embarrasing moments of mistakes, bad choices, or devastating consequences. Anyhoo, the season ending tonight was pure joy. They did it well, actually not as depressing as I thought it would be. Without giving anything away, I can simply recommend that one watch this show from the first season to this one sometime, and enjoy a show that actually gets better with age, instead of dying under it's own weight.
Mad about "Mad Men."

The Foo

I read recently that the Foo Fighters are on an "indefinite hiatus" mostly due to the fact that next week Dave Grohl's new band's album is coming out, and there will probably be touring and promotions he will have to commit to. All I can hope is that this band is successful ( not hoping just for monetary success but that their music is actually good for us), and that the Foo will reunite once more to produce some more great music. What I have loved about this band is that their albums have gotten better over the years. In my opinion, their songwriting and musicality has just grown every single record. It has gone from pop/rock to some pretty intense, deep, and emotional songs most of which one can tell are not written to be just radio friendly (and thus, made to be a "hit"). Seeing them live was one of the high points in my concert going history, we were so close I could see every tooth in Dave's big growling grin while he wailed away. They rock.
Its been a busy weekend. Writing more tomorrow.

Ta ta for now kids.

Stuff and other stuff

First, someday soon, I'll link a few cool blogs from other homemade bloggers like myself to this site...just to share some more cool reading. First I like to get the authors' permission, since although blogs are public, it's still nice to get someone's ok to share their personal information, opinions, or any other thing they may post on their blogs...

Secondly, what a cool night. Literally, it's only in the low 70's maybe, but with the very full moon it is neat to sit outside this time of night and enjoy the cooler air and the backyard is lit up like daylight.

Thirdly, I am excited someone made a movie about "The Road", the novel by Cormac McCarthy. Although i appreciated the cinematography of "No Country for Old Men"(which he also wrote), I have special feelings about "The Road". At first read, it was so brutal, depressing, and hopeless that I wanted to warn people NOT to read it. Then, I realized that my own interpretation slowly changed. I thought it was more about humanity, in the end, and that although the father sees the world ending, he knows that what makes us human is the hope that life will go on. He must believe that fact in order to give his boy (called "boy" in the book) hope. Otherwise, humanity is no different than the dead landscape that surrounds them. And, that is what i hope comes through in the violent storyline - that the hope of life is what makes us different than everything else in the natural world. Our consciousness of life, of our dreams, our minds, our every waking moment is what sets us apart from animals, trees, rivers and oceans. Damn- what a good book.
Not for the weak hearted. Some people might just not like it- it is very bleak. Be forewarned. It ain't pretty.

In the meantime, I could not just sit and watch tv tonight, as usual, got restless and did a bunch of multi-tasking until making myself sit, write, and catch up on email through facebook. One son has been asleep since around 8, and the other in his carseat sleeping until next feeding. I forgot how much babies need to eat...it's like walking on eggshells in the evenings with him for now, we keep him in the living room and pretty much hang out outside or play music on the stereo, which doesn't seem to wake him, until - oh! One eye opens then the other, and it's already time to eat again. He reminds me of the Oracles in "The Neverending Story" I think that is what they were... when you walk past them, their eyes open slowly and if you don't run through in time, their laser eyes open and they shoot fatal light at you. Similar, not as devastating.

Ta ta for now folks. Get some sleep.

Independent Party

I am very glad to see the numbers rising in substantial contributions towards Independents right now as people in our country look towards other parties for answers to our country's problems. When I get more details, I'll write more about this wonderful change. As long as I have been voting (since 92), I have always been interested in the third party option, and have learned a little more about several of them the past few elections. Personally, I never found a candidate among them that I could throw my vote at, but that may change the next few elections. I think competition is the source of so many good things for our country (capitalism of course, being the ultimate example of Darwinism), and a believable third party candidate will only help keep other candidates on their toes to work hard for our votes.

Work it!! That's what our country is supposed to be about- throw the yoke off our backs that has become so heavy the past election and bring some exciting new faces to the table!

the weather update

On accuweather.com says that at 4pm today it will be partly sunny, then at 6 pm it will be partly cloudy- isn't that the same thing??

maybe they are implying that it will be partly sunny with a sprinkle of snow, then at 6pm partly cloudy with some sleet? What's the other PART?

geejus my mind can go on overload due to total lack of sleep.

Anyway, that's the weather today in "partly" Dunedin, Florida.

A short poem

little feet
little sighs
little smiles

tiny moment
tiny look
tiny hands

small sound
small eyes
small world.

Thank you!! That's maybe all for tonight, although my mind is pleasantly open to many other ideas. Sometimes it's good to just be content and say "good night ya'll!"

good line for low- brow moments

Just heard from my husband who heard it on a show:

"Don't be a turd in the sandbox."

For example: when someone opens a great gift and is enjoying the moment of surprise and examination, someone else has to stand there and explain the gift, boring everyone with details, knowledge and unintentionally stealing the moment away from the gift reciever. Or, great for someone who is a Debbie Downer- for example, people who make plans to go out on the town, then goes out and complains the whole time, while trying to get others to commiserate with them.

That's enough bad grammar and run-on sentences for this morning.

Emily Dickinson was a very happy lighthearted girl

Since it's raining toads outside in freaky little hot squall, I'm trapped inside (sometimes this time of night we sit in the dark on our back patio swatting skeeters, sipping drinks and enjoying the sound of silence). So, i found some Emily Dickinson poetry to make you laugh or cry depending on your mood.

"The Mystery of Pain."

Pain has an element of blank;
It cannot recollect
When it began, or if there were
A day when it was not.

It has no future but itself
Its infinite realms contain
Its past, enlightened to perceive
New periods of pain.

(Someone should have taken this woman out more often...way too much time spent at her parent's estate staring out that window at the apple orchards..loving the local preacher man from afar the story goes...)

"In Vain." - portion of it.

I cannot live with you,
It would be life,
And life is over there
Behind the shelf


OK- that is way too depressing. Speaking of that, there's a doc on Fuse or something right now about Nirvana, and how the title "Smells Like Teen Spirit" came about. One of the original girls from Bikini Kill (old school WA band...circa grunge era) were hanging out with Dave Grohl and Kurt in their Olympia WA apt, and wrote that on his wall poking fun at his sexual/romantic attempts with one of her pals...referring to a body odor spray. AHEM>??
He didn't get that meaning, but rather thought it was a great "anthem" lyric,,,, and history was made.
There you go, your history lesson for the day.

multi tasking

www.thriftyfun.com - good ideas for Christmas craft gifts, coupons, etc.

If only I could write more right now, but I'm rocking the baby with one foot as he sits in his carseat on the floor- seems to be his fave place lately to fall asleep, drinking a Yuengling Light Lager with the other, typing at the same time - way too many dangerous things to be doing at once. Have a great night-i'll try to log once more tonight. Like you were all eagerly waiting for it, right? ha ha!

Review of "God: The Short Version"

This compact book by Peter Lundstrom was a bright little gem I saw in the new arrival section of the library, and I read it in one sitting. It's a bestseller, and for good reason. It's short (for those with busy lives) and straight forward. Basically, Lundstrom spends about a chapter each on Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, Judiasm and early religions such as pantheism and more ancient pagan roots that of course, still eventually led to some of our more modern religious roots (even in Christianity). The reason why I enjoyed this book is that it's been a while since I took the time to re-educate myself on all the major religions of the world, without the biased sermons of a minister, or some other religious leader. Lundstrom was previously an ad man for Apple, and it shows in his brief, simple and refreshing rundown of each religion, and how each one's "God" is found by different means (faith, servitude, etc). Also, how each one's meaning to an end (i.e. getting to "heaven" or other versions of it) leads to direct conflict with each other's...leading to a feeling of disrespect and insult from one religious follower to another.

I am totally distracted today and am not doing this book justice. It would be a great gift for the holidays, whatever religion you follow. It's not written from a Christian point of view, which I really like. It's also not an old- fashioned textbook type of formal explanation. I enjoyed how he touched on ancient cultural roots of paganism and how civilization grew to create and accept monotheistic beliefs, for whatever reasons (some believe simply in order to keep our human desires in line). If you are like myself and wonder about human behavior and the "how and whys" of the growth of human faith, this is an excellent read. If you are just wanting some new non-fiction to read, I highly recommend "God: The Short Version."

It's not deep, it's not heavy, but it's full of facts that enlighten.

The Palin Problem & other Reasons I Am Frustrated with Conservatism right now.

The problem with Sarah Palin is that she will not go away. And I don't mean that to be insulting to her or her seriously sincere intentions and platform. If I was her manager, I would tell her to lay low, do select interviews, do some charity work, build a stronger network of reliable business friends and future campaign supporters. I am not going to vote for her in 2012, nor will I be voting for Romney or Huckabee. They represent a part of the Conservative movement, along with Palin, that have hijacked the Republican party, split it into tiny fractions, and have veered again into the murky depths of issues that I believe are for private decisions, not public discussions - such as abortion and evolution (for that matter Intelligent Design).

I still agree with Guiliani who said last year that the conservative movement, not necessarily the Republican party, will have to take back their platforms of small government, free market, and self responsibility back in order to unify their cause. I love him and though he has strong Mafia ties- would love for him to run again, and win. But that won't happen...too bad.

Those other candidates, although well -meaning and idealistic just like their Democrat counterparts, have created a media image of the conservative movement of a bunch of angry, radical nut-jobs who hate black people, are ignorant of social causes, and who read the Bible backwards by candlelight every night while purging out demon snakes from their children's public school textbooks by day. And, let's face it- though we know the media is a bunch of circus clowns fighting for air time, image is everything today.
So- no I won't be voting for Palin- I respect her, and find her story to be an interesting story of American politics, but as a Presidential candidate, I cannot throw a chad her way.

Find me someone new! Fresh blood! Someone who won't spend their money and ads attacking Obama, but rather spend their energy representing some new solutions to problems that people like myself want fixed. And, if you don't know what those are- just ask us!! Some candidates lately assume they knew what the "American people" want- but they don't ask- they just look at some dumb CNN poll and go from there.
I am putting a call out to all 20 people who read this- find me a candidate who can unify the nation, not further divide it like has happened during the last three administrations. Give me someone who won't fill our news with nasty affairs, dark secrets, or bitter hearts. Give me someone who "gets" that we are all different shades of gray, and realizes that arrogant promises and sly winks to the media only get you elected, not respected in the end.

Now...getting the cooler packed for a late afternoon of sun and fishing with the family.

Saturday Irish poetry

Because I've been up since about 5 am and it's football day- none of which has anything to do with W.B. Yeats....here's a fave of mine I just rediscovered in one of my old books that my sister gave me Christmas 1990.

He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven
W. B. Yeats

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet:
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

Over the years since getting caught up in very hectic career life, marriage and kids, I have forced myself to reopen my old textbooks, poetry and history books, because I missed the way we learn so much during our formal education - and that fades over time. We end up grabbing info from the internet or on crazy news shows, and it's just not the same as examining a painting in which a revolutionary is being shot for standing up to a Fascist government, or looking for the hidden symbolism in some Titian painting. Obviously, my journalism and editing skills are failing me now as I write this, too lazy to correct my grammar or to tone down these run- on sentences...but you get the point. I need coffee.

ta ta for now kids.

Giving Thanks

I've done this in past posts, but here's another list of random things I am thankful for:

Heath Ledger in "A Knight's Tale".

Talented artists like Jack White and Dave Grohl.

Poets.

Evolution - if it never happened, we wouldn't be here.

That I don't believe everything church leaders tell us (of course!)!

Good days in the sun.

old friends who know us well.

dogs that do not dig holes in my yard.

citrus trees that grow produce in October.

Men who were raised right.

Boys who say thank you.

Pinot Noir.

The movie "Sideways".

Clint Eastwood.

"Gran Torino".

Good kissers.

Hypocrites who know they are and embrace their double lives.

Smiles and hugs.

Nicole Kidman in "Moulin Rouge"...and Ewan McGregor.

Cult Interventionists.

that I am capable of buying random strangers groceries and items they get stuck with at cash registers because they can't afford them.

football.

great grandparents.

Lately, I have been wondering if it isn't time for me to take my husband's last name, in the traditional manner of matrimony. The only reason this issue comes up is when more distant relatives or friends send us checks for special occasions, and I have to explain to my bank why the checks are written to "me" with another last name. Even after 7 years of marriage, a marriage announcement with clearly printed separate last names, and years of return addresses with both of our last names on them, I think some older relatives may have simply chosen to ignore our less traditional method of name taking. What other explanation could there be ?? Even so, I made sure to include my last name as our first son's middle name, so that my father's name is passed on into our ever expanding family tree. Our second son has the same middle name as his grandfather's on the other side of the family, and so it goes.

Names....they really don't matter in the end, now do they.

deep thoughts, or just babble.

On occasion, not too often, I often wish that we could go back in time and erase parts of our past. However, as soon as I have this thought, I always find comfort in the fact that what our history is makes us what we are today, and I have been very peaceful with who I have become. Some may call this maturity, others just life. I do see, with total clarity, that pain is not without some very good lessons for a person to hold onto for further use.
Without pain, there is no pleasure to be seen or felt by the human soul.

nite nite kids.

cool websites for saving money

chegg.com- rent textbooks instead of buying them... I always thought textbooks were the biggest RIPOFF in product history. Now there's a way for parents to stay on top of their children's education costs...at least a foothold.

CellFire.com- send coupons you scan at checkout directly to your cellphone.

RedPlum.com- enter your zip code for retail deals near you. Weekly grocery type coupons that most grocery stores take.

FreeShipping.org- free delivery codes for almost every retail online site.

Half.com- buy used books for school.

eyebuydirect.com or goggles4u.com- for eyeglass wearers

BetterWorldBooks.com- buy used books donated by libraries or sell yours..proceeds promote global literacy.

BookCrossing.com- recycle uswed books by leaving them arond your town for others to enjoy- then register their locations on the website...

Saving money is such a stress reliever, and being the Capricorn that I am- I sleep better at night with money in the bank than in junk all over my home that is worthless in no time.
Happy Bargain hunting!

she was a smart cookie

When choosing between two evils, I like to try the one I 've never tried before. - Mae West.

Salt & Lime

Salt- The produce stand I frequent has the best prices on fresh fruit and vegetables, about half the price of the groceries stores here. That is why I go there.
Lime - The old Greek man who owns the place often tells me I'm "bella" even while I was pregnant, even though "bella" is Italian... Is that the other reason why I go there- for the cheap compliment? hmmm.......

Are we subconsciously drawn to the people who quietly feed our egos? I.E.- friends who are like-minded and thus support our own opinions? And even though publicly most women would roll their eyes at some construction worker eye-balling their skirted legs as they passed by, are not some of these women secretly pleased that someone noticed? Sometime the past few decades, it became uncool for a man to comment on a woman's body....but what a shame. Because, I would suggest that most of us, man or woman, like to be noticed and admired. This validates a small part of our being that likes to feel adored and cherished. Isn't life too short to dismiss a man's sincere compliment, as this impulse to look at each other's bodies is very natural urge? There's a fine line between a long leering glance and a quiet acknowledgement of an attractive person. I'm smart enough to know the difference. Maybe next time I'll say "thank you" instead of shyly ignoring the Greek. What the hey- life is way too short. And his prices are excellent.

Run very fast and far from "Wolverine"

We get movies from Netflix. So- we put "Wolverine" in our list among others just from the fact it was a summer hit- supposedly. Hugh Jackman and Liev Shrieber are among the better actors in the flick. I don't usually do comic strip movies, but since the"Spider Man" and the "Batman" series have been so good, thought to give the whole X-Men thing a try. IT SUCKED SO BAD.
I swear I was in a good mood. The special effects were fine. Spinning "Matrix" - like action (everyone will be copying those movies for a long time to come) and that's about it. I can't even describe the plot- bad guys trying to use the Wolverine for their own evil plans. He has claws that come out of his hands, and a bi-polar brother who you never know if he's got his brother's back or not. The plot was dead on arrival. Innocent civilians get killed. Weird mutants help Wolverine out in the end after they are released from Weird mutant boot camp. The dialogue is so badly written, I could have done it after three bottles of Strawberry Hill. They pay people lots of money to write this?? That was what I thought. And writing does matter, kids. Why spend millions on CG effects, sets and costumes if the story seems like something written for 5 year olds. A thirteen year old boy may have been the true movie demographic target, but today's teens are way too savvy for this production. Hugh Jackman's lambchops kept bugging me, I wanted to get out a buzz kit and shave him.
Do not ever watch this movie unless you really do have about 1.5 hours to wasted in your precious, God given life.
For real.

They wear short shorts.

This weekend I went to my first rugby game, when my husband played with the Tampa Krewe against the St. Pete Penguins. It was a long hot day- we got to the field at 11 am and after two hours of practice, and several of two games (for Teams A & B), left around 5 pm. It was crazy. I have picturesw to be posted on Facebook. I felt like I had left the soupy hot Florida weather and landed somewhere in Wales or New Zealand, based in the mammoth arms, legs, and torsos of the men running around, and on their various crew cuts and random pony tails that only Europeans seem to be able to carry off well. It was fun, I hung out with other women watching the games with their kids, and though passed up on the pints of beer being offered, enjoyed the testorerone filled afternoon like any good American girl. Nick ran around saying "rugby! rugby!" which he always says while we watch football (not the same, son). Phillip played on Team B, being a new person to this team (he played on Panama CIty's Hurricane team) and when it was all over we were both needing Ibuprofen. These guys don't wear helmets, pads or any gear except mouth guards. We were both worn out from a very fun late U2 concert the night before, and pretty much sweated out ten pounds both days being outside in record breaking heat...
Anyway, they DO wear short shorts in rugby, and very tight shirts, and they huddle and grab each other like wrestlers while trying to tear the ball away from each other. It's very primitive without all the protective gear we see in American football, and so much fun to watch.
For now....must go. Have lots to catch up on if I can today. I miss writing so much! Saw a VERY SUCKY MOVIE I must warn everyone about, read a VERY GOOD BOOK, and have lost half my mind since getting about 3 hours sleep each night for the past 4 weeks (no exaggeration).
Tata for now people!

BLOGGETY BLOG BLOG PEOPLE

I really suck as a blogger lately. Unfortunately my body is stuck on a couch lately or some other comfortable chair feeding our gassy baby from about 7pm- 11pm off and on and by then I'm either too wired to sit and write, and too tired to put together anything meaningful. Such is life. At least I'm still happy and enjoying the early mornings and life in general. There's so much one could write about newborns, babies and kids but usually I find that stuff pretty mundane and repetitive, so I try not to put too much of it into this column. There are several observations in general I can put my finger on just to have some "thinking" points:



1. Whoever beat up Michael Moore in the playground in his youth should be lightly spanked with a big bag of wet rice. After college, I watched "Bowling for Columbine" (not his first doc) and although appreciated his right to tackle the gun safety issue (and realizing he was trying to find reasons for the rise in youth violence in our culture), I didn't like how he seemed to put most of his blame on gun shop owners, and individual spokespeople like Charleton Heston (NRA leader at the time). Parents were not pressured for answers as to why THEY were'nt paying attention to what their children were doing (planning bombs in their bedrooms) and why their leniency and almost a FEAR of alienated their teenagers were keeping them from being strong willed, disciplining parents. Anyway, he's out with another one, and always seems like he just needs that attention. Much like the youth portrayed in his docs, he needs someone to pay attention. SDo, if you like him, go watch his movies- maybe if he makes enough, he'll retire and leave the rest of us alone. ;)

2. I think Gov. Crist jumped the shark a bit when he recently was quoted as saying Pres. Obama will lose his next election in a landslide "much like Jimmy Carter". I don't why Crist would be dumb enough to say something like this, especially when he is also looking to a future in a higher political position. It's one thing to THINK something, but a smart politician knows to keep extreme thoughts to themselves, especially in this day of media bone-picking. I get that you're supposed to be honest, but that's not really how the game is played, from any side. Besides, to make an early prediction like that is a tad goofy. The guy has only been in office less than one year. And Crist, well, he's gonna have his own demons to chase down when his time comes, so he better keep the friends he has now.

3. Jimmy Carter, is a really nice guy- from what my parents say (they met him once and have pictures). They really really liked him when he was president, and from what I've seen in historical context, alot of people really really liked him. But he wasn't a good president. (That is what seems to be the general consensus of folks from that generation). He has done many many good things, like the Habitat for Humanity program and seeming to be a peace- loving man who writes poetry, and probably has good Southern manners. Someone needs to tell him that saying that people who didn't vote for Obama are racists isn't really in the "unifying" and "change" message that Obama was promoting during his campaign. Carter is out of touch, and needs to retire to his peanut farm. If he doesn't have one, he should grow one. His statement is EXACTLY what I predicted during earlier blogs and emails would happen during this election, given all the hype about Obama being the first black president nominee by the media. But it wasn't about race, right?? Thanks for calling me a racist, Carter. Gee... I'll make sure to let our "diverse" friends know that I am so that they can stay far far away from me.

tata for now folks! It's beautiful outside and the morning has been great. Politics is like a drunk late night game of Scrabble, the more they play, the later it gets, the more the politicians start to make up stuff and try to pull it off as the real deal. Get your dictionaries out, and study hard.

FSU

I am writing this in honor of a true fallen hero - the FSU football team, and it's legacy. Being raised in Panama City, Florida, it was a tradition with almost every person that I knew that you would at least go to a few FSU games in your lifetime being so geographically close to Tally. We enjoyed it- my dad took us to my first game there when I was..oh maybe in middle school. He scored some tix from a family friend, and we went. My parents graduated from Univ. of South Florida, so there were no ties to FSU. It was just fun, the stadium was huge, the fanfare was great, and the games were incredible. Later, I went to quite a few games with friends I would meet up with during some weekend jaunts up from Gainesville ( always a fun time and my roomates had fun going with me too). We would have fun going to their pubs, seeing old high school friends and if they were playing anyone except the Gators, we would have a blast.
Tally is a really pretty town, with lush tree lined neighborhoods similar to Gainesville's village like atmosphere, although sometimes the capital was a little too "capitol" and full of traffic for my taste. but here's my point- someone needs to have a "come to Jesus" moment with the Bowden.
He is a legend, yes. Alot of people insist he isn't really coaching, he's just a figurehead. Well, if that's the case, then why aren't they doing some better recruiting and playing while he's hanging around "figureheading?" I graduated with a hard earned degree (thanks parents) from FSU PCC campus in advertising and communications, and found the classes there to be very intense, very useful in real life, and am very proud of that particular program and school. Because I spent so many years toiling away in Gainesville, and having established a regular football going schedule there about 3 years before actually attending UF (during which a great team played and won a national championship), I became a Gator fan.
There is no confusion. I always respected FSU's ability to come back at those scary 4th quarters, and though I resented their sometimes super -ego sized showboating and grandstanding, they were always a team to be fearful of. This was during most of the 90's, and doesn't even take into account their 1980's winning seasons with Bowden. With no irony or sarcasm intended, What Happened? and Why Doesn't Someone Say Something? It's like an elephant in the room that noone wants to look at. Bowden has nothing to be shameful of, just let someone else do the head coaching and help bring some shine back to that team in the armpit of Florida. I don't know what happens every season lately behind closed doors with the rich alumni, the coaches, the athletic staff, etc to make coaches do what they want. How does one say "Excuse me, but we need a dominate leader here, not just a figurehead?" Hmm.....

No Pain, No Gain

Friday we had Jude. Named after the Beatle's song, and middle name Emanual after his grandfather's middle name (they spelled it a little different but we love it). So, I had him in the hospital, without any medications. Without getting graphic, here's some metaphorical examples of giving birth without meds:

You know that super computer HAL in the great movie "2001:A Space Odyssey"? Well, during one very creepy scene, HAL locks the bay doors so that an astronaut is cut off from his ship, left to float in space while his comrade looks on in horror without any possible way to help him. This scene pretty much sums up what I went through for 1.5 hours while pushing our son into the world. No relief, no possible way for anyone to help me. There was no begging for mercy (which I did ask in the form of "GET HIM OUT", and "I CAN'T") because there was no possible way to get around the situation except for me alone to get our son moving along. Afterwards, I thought about how rare that is for us all- there is so much relief from pain we may find in our lives, in the form of friends, laughter, drugs, alcohol, doctors writing prescriptions, exercise, spiritual habits, etc. This was the one time ever in my life when NO ONE, and NOTHING was going to help the pain except for me alone, and that was that. Even the doctor told me over and over, "There's nothing to do except for you to end it all, and there's only one way to do that."
Now, THAT statement gives a girl motivation.
We would have been super happy to get Jude here any means necessary. He would have been fine, but we were concerned with how long our last labor was, and there were real consequences from Nick's labor that we had to deal with that our family knows about, so we appreciate their support. It's all over except raising the children now!
In the meantime, there will be that little nugget of a memory always in my mind, that cannot be explained or described well enough to give it the respect it deserves.

update

Nothing new on the horizon today...visiting with lots of family the past few days so we always like that, and we love them!! I am an aunt now to a wonderful niece named Meredith and am excited about seeing her grow up and make us all so proud. I was recently scared to read the astrology makeup of our soon to be son (a Virgo) and our other son, an Aquarius, and although I don't believe in that stuff, it's fun to see the similarities of personality traits in our Nick (aloof, eccentric, unique, concentrates on details, will be friendly yet hold people at a distance, etc) similar to the sign next him, myself, a Capricorn. My horoscope read that I the most ambitious sign, with traits of discipline, assertiveness, hidden goofiness, reserved at times, and serious. Hmm.. how about also able to make pigs fly. Anyhoo, there is alot going on around here, but I cannot find the time to concentrate today on writing at all. I mean, with a baby on the way, and FOOTBALL parties to look forward to having very soon, what else is there, right? For now, I'm jsut ignoring all the crap on the pop culture horizon- except for this very important, intelligent quote lifted directly from a CSI episode I happened to catch 10 minutes of the other morning,

"People don't just disappear. It's molecularly impossible."

HOLY COW> Thanks for that bit of forensic insight, Mr. Jerry Bruckheimer (the producer) and the writers of that show, no wonder there are funny skits out there making fun of your very serious show, in all it's blue, green and orange Miami day-glo colors. If crime labs all looked like that with people that looked like that, they would be full of martinis, club music and half naked people getting nothing done but pole dancing and hooking up.
Well, gotta go drain the macaroni and be domestic for at least another hour or so. I am not good at being a stay at home mom- correction good at it, not ever been happy with it. Big difference. but my time will come again for me to join the adult world and be able to talk with people over 30 about things besides Elmo, diapers, milestones, and big nasty poopies. The day we change our last diaper I will run to a nearby Florida mountain and sing like Maria in "The Sound of Music." And yes, the whole world will hear me, at least on the Swiss side.

About Him.

One comment I have about the Obama speech to students is simply that it is annoying that most people act like he is the first to do so: Pres. Bush (The Herbert) did this also, and I think other presidents have done similar (althought taped) speeches (before our modern technology) to students in history. I have lots of opinions about how our current president is faring and the path I hope our country follows, but now is not the time to discuss- I don't want to give my unborn child heartburn, anxiety, warts, gray hair or panic attacks before he enters into our great unknown ;)

salt and lime

Here's your salt - I've been married 7 years now, and one piece of advice I'd give to anyone planning a wedding is this: don't hang your stars on another person's wagon, you keep your own wagon, your own dreams and don't rely on anyone else to bring you happiness....
Here's your lime - Piece of advice to newlyweds: no nagging allowed- it's unattractive, unromantic and it DOESN'T WORK. Plus, nobody else likes being around that couple that went from fun loving and sweet (while dating) to one of bickering and acting like old farts (there's time for that when you're stuck together after ago 70.)
Our marriage isn't perfect, but one thing we learned to hold onto is a sense of fun, enjoyment, and being as young as we want to together. We don't worry about the Jones's, what people will think when we act goofy, or if our silly times are appropriate or not according to others.

tata for now, having first phase labor pains today (been 2-3 cent. since last Friday) so my mind keeps wandering to doing some more house stuff before we have to race to the hospital in an unknown future date this week. AND, an iced mocha shake sounds really good right now.

Hoarders...the new "Intervention"??

So, A&E has this new show on called "Hoarders", and it comes on the heels of it's very popular show "Intervention", a reality show based on severe addicts, their interventions, and their treatments. Last time we had cable/television, I was pregnant in Nashville and got into this show along with most of the Bravo shows we still watch, and this pregnancy is no different. Maybe it's the hormones, but the emotional whirlpool of "Intervention" was perfect for mood swings, anxiety ridden evenings of baby worries, and general dark thoughts ....ok that's enough about the small dark side of being pregnant ;) let's get back to "Hoarders".....
This is about people who like to keep things that are not necessary, buy things they don't need, live in squalor, sleep on piles on their own trash, and don't have great social lives depending on how extreme their hoarding habit has become. Some are aware of their problem and try hard, along with caring family members, to fix their issues and then work on their huge household of trash while letting a therapist assist them. Some hoarders, though are unaware of the stench of their home, their lack of hygene, and the fact that they haven't seen their own carpet since 1989. It's fascinating. I always empathize with compulsive behaviors, because I know how common they are among us all, and I don't watch these people like they are jokes. There is nothing funny about a woman who would rather run after a garbage truck or donation van because her son tried to get rid of her junk than face the truth of her own messy obsession. These people don't live in reality, they don't have people over to visit, and most are very defensive of their homes, justifying to all that someday they'll clean up or that they are fine with it. Most don't have a place to sit and eat, a spot on the bed to sleep on, or ovens that aren't functional because they are filled with stuff. Most of the hoarders have issues over grief, loneliness, or feelings of panic when they are made to get rid of their junk. They don't see their stuff as "junk" but as a symbol of comfort, sort of like comming home to a favorite dog- these people like to see their collections as their friendly "Trash Heap" (that's a Fraggle Rock reference btw). This isn't like your roomates who may have kept a bowl of half eaten Ramen noodles by their bed for a few days, surrounded by beer cans, books and dirty clothes. These people simply go into denial after the garbage gets to be too large for them to take care of...and the slippery slope to hoarding begins. Maybe it's telling that in our society that pushes the need for more stuff, that this is such a big problem. Also telling is that family members who are older, and perhaps widowed or divorced seem to be most affected. Their adult children may not be aware of the problem, living far away and assuming nothing is wrong with their slightly messy and neurotic parent. Maybe the lesson of this is that our time needs to be filled with loved ones, memory making, and relationship building rather than shopping for things that do nothing but gather dust and fill our empty spaces. I have the opposite problem, being a compulsive neat freak, always putting away all the toys before I can sprawl out on our floors to do yoga, and can give it about half a day before I have to pick a glass someone sat down and didn't put in the dishwasher. I drive myself nuts but it makes me very happy at the end of the day so I put up with myself (the men in the house are blissfully unaware of this compulsion or at least act like it). Someday, maybe my husband will send over an interventionist to deal with my neurosis, after that fifth time I've cleaned the dog (in a day) or washed the dishes....until then I remain at this end of the spectrum. Next time your garage starts to fill up with years -old newspapers, old toys, broken stuff that will never get used, clothes you meant to donate...just keep it out there. It's when your bathroom gets filled with 10 years of National Geographics, your bed is covered with unopened Tupperware and ferrets are running around wild in your living room under tunnels of cereal boxes that you may find yourself on "Hoarders."