Fun with Men (reposted because i think it's funny)

There was a recent online article by a writer for the NY Daily News or something that, for entertainment purposes, listed the types of women or "girlfriends" to avoid. So, for fun, and to avoid any political talk, I've done the same with men. Here goes..and do be amused, not offended.

1. The Stalker- let's get this one out of the way. Don't feel bad if you've never had one, it doesn't mean your any less attractive or meaningful in someone's life. This is the person that writes you notes, letters, or texts you on a level that means more to him than to yourself. This is the man who, perhaps by a confusing message you, the girl, sent (which happens), pursues you with the same vigor as a bluehound to a hare. This person proportionately becomes less attractive to you the more they profess their devotion. OR, this person sends you innapropriate letters to your home after you are engaged or married...not that that's ever happened to me ;)
2. The More Talented One- this has happened to me, I only realized it years later, and it was ok because I had since moved on. This man is the one who is already in mid-career, mid- higher education, or mid- traveling around the world, who although seems to spend all his time with you and introduces you to family and friends, pretty much lives his life as though you're just in it...like a great accessory to his wonderful life. This man, although can be very kind, loving and sweet, sweeps you up in his own timeline of his great master plan without really ever asking you about your own, or even considering that the two should converge. That is why, usually, they don't!
3. The WTF Man- this man, has all the great things going for him, a good job, good friends, a car, good credit. He introduces you to his mom, he mentions "marriage", he dances with you and shows you to friends, making you feel like you're in a romantic gossamer lit dream. Then, for no reason (no fights or other reasons you can remember) he just doesn't return your call. Or he starts to make dates and then cancels. I understand that some men get themselves in too deep and then want to take a step back, but so do women! Just freaking tell us! That way, we don't feel like idiots and wonder what we did wrong, until we just remember you as the jerk went weird on us.
4. The Physical Being - This man is the one you are really really attracted to, physically. The one you love to hold hands with, kiss and generally love to look at. But...you know that you'll never have anything in common because there wasn't anything there in common to begin with except the holding hands, the kissing and the general making out. This isn't usually just a "hook up" or one night stand, but someone you keep hoping you'll find mentally compatible with, but don't. You stare at him over breakfast and just know that if you mention "The New York Times", he'll look at his watch, add an hour, and then tell you what time it is ...in New York. Sooner or later, you have to let this one go, he'll only disappoint you, and you're wasting his time also.
5. The One Who Got Away- ok girls, this one's for you. Most men don't even spend their time worrying about if they married or are with the right one, they just find someone who puts up with their stuff and are happy in the moment. Let This One go....this is the man you occasionally think about since you haven't seen or talked to them in about 10 years, and you sometimes are on the verge of contacting just to say "hi." Don' t do it! They are perfectly happy, and probably remember you with some fond, if not humorous memories of puppy love and have their hat hung on someone who didn't know them when they were hormonal adolescent young men who wrote you love letters, painted for you, or professed their love before diving naked off a Bay Point bridge. You know I'm talking about at least 5 people at this point, but it does narrow down to certain men you wonder about. Don't do it. Don't do it. If they really want to find you and still love you, they'll make that move. Life is too short to not take chances, they just need to be the right ones.
6. The Turd. - This man is the one who you hang out with simply because you're bored, you like having someone around from the opposite sex, and who you expect nothing from. Ideally, a great situation, but it's never that easy. Someone always gets into a groove and thinks it will last. It won't.
7. The Married One- OK- I have NO experience with this, but just stay far far away. He only likes you because you're not his wife or girlfriend.
8. The Slow Fade- This man is all good up front. Everything is perfect, fun and going great. Only, over time, the things that made him great start to fade, he starts to not shave, not bathe, not change clothes, and stops caring about going out. This is way after he has already commited his love to you, and your dumbbutt has moved in or something. This is a game, people. It's called "Catch and Release". Let him go!
That's all for now, I hate putting down men, it's so tragic. They are wonderful to have around but, this has worn me out, like most relationships. I need a break.
Have a great night, friends.