the worst movie ever made besides "Solarbabies"

I'm in the mood to rip on a film, and luckily I just saw one the last few days that fits the profile. "Valentine's Day" directed by Gary Marshall (of mushy, hazy, happy mediocre movie fame). It stars about two dozen actors including Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Ashton Kutcher, Jessica Biel, on and on and on. It is a few years old, how old you ask? It doesn't matter. Let me write this review in a more creative, interpretive manner...such as bad poetry.

"Valentine's Day"

What was it?

That I thought I could see in you?

You saw my soul, used my time (two hours) and spit it back out in my face

like some heartless buffoon.

Wow.

Ashton in pink tee, Jennifer Garner always in red (get it?? love, red???)

Jessica Biel walking, talking, not acting

Anne Hathaway does sex talk but

Topher Grace loves her anyway..

anyway my eyes could not believe

the words you spoke

at times you made me

want to choke.

Choke on your dying death...

your dying death delivered on a platter of

bad writing, two minute scenes chopped up like the

pieces of my shriveling little heart.

You took my time which I can never get back

you worthless piece of toilet paper.

You- the AfterSchool Special,

You- the Lifetime Movie of the Week.

Still,

Everyone was so pretty

but like robots, clashing cheekbones, snarling teeth and puffy lips.

even Ashton and Bradley Cooper.

Weirdness, phoning in on the love line

HELLO? Are you there God, it's me Jennifer. I want my two hours back.