29 year old Justin Halpern ended up with a best selling memoir and a CBS sitcom based in his family due to his book "Sh*t My Dad Says." Although I don't watch much network tv, thus haven't seen this show yet, I loved the excerpts from his memoir. A few are listed here:
On friendship: "You've got good friends. I like them. I don't think they would fuck your girlfriend, if you had one"
On getting a job at Hooters: "You, my man, are not as dumb as I first fucking suspected."
On finding his porn stash: "You shouldn't have left that porno in the VCR. Your penis betrayed you son. Made you think stupid. Won't be the last time that happens."
On his trip to Europe: "I know you think you're going ot get all kinds of laid. It's not a magic place, it's the same as here. Don't be stupid."
On furnishing one's home: "pick your furniture like you pick a wife, It should make you feel comfortable and should look nice, but no so nice that someone would want to come along and steal it."
On Chilvary: "Give your mother the front seat..I don't give a shit if she said you could have it. that's what she's supposed to do, and you're supposed to say, 'No, I insist.' You think I'm going to drive around with my wife in the backseat and a 9 year old son in the front? You crazy son of a bitch."
Just spreading the holiday cheer!! Maybe this will make you say "my parents were pretty normal after all"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Funny stuff! :)
Post a Comment