Clara McCarthy

Every few weeks, I go to see my grandmother, Clara McCarthy. When Phillip and I first visited her as a married couple, her and Grandpa were still living in their wonderful bay front/ back yard with lake house on Bayshore Drive in Safety Harbor ( the road that leads up to Courtney Campbell Causeway to Tampa). This was around 2004, when we were still renting a house in PC and would come to visit Clearwater where I have TONS of relatives. It was a home of my father's from his youth ( he lived his younger years in Illinois) and had lots of memories of visits there. My sister and I would feed their fish that lived in HUGE saltwater tanks - exotic fish, many tanks, stacked up on a wall, and would play their organ. We would feed their fish, go out back to see if their friendly birds would come to say hello, we would gaze at their huge oil paintings they were so talented at doing their entire lives, we would watch "Jeopardy" with them, eat dinner, play some cards, play ping-pong in their garage, and I always remember how Grandpa looked- lanky, sauve, satisfied, a constant smile/smirk that let you always think he found life amusing.

Grandma used to have golden hair, wore coral lipstick, served sherbet for desert. I was never uncomfortable with them, and loved looking at the things they would bring home from cruises to Mexico or hear about the latest concert pianist they saw at Ruth Eckert Hall ( a big music hall here).
From their living room, you could see Tampa Bay. It was beautiful.
When I see Grandma now, she retains a regal poise, hands folded. She recieves hugs gently, and we repeat our names so that she knows us. She seems to remember Nick, as he is older now and not as squawky as he used to be, and Jude she just likes to pat on the head. Nick gives her lots of hugs now, and seems to understand that she is "Pappy's mom". We went into her room at St Mark's and I showed Nick her oil paintings hung on the wall. He climbed on her bed, and traced them with his small hands. He knows I also do oil paintings, with alot more texture ( I love glopping on the oils to the point of 3-D) and so I said he could also do this if he liked. We left her some tokens of love- some chocolates, some crafts from his school, some photos. We left her room to rejoin her in the dining room where all the Alzheimer's patients sit and eat. I told her her newly curled hair looked great, held her hand, wondered at how great the menu looked, spoke to the staff, and enjoyed how many patients always come speak to our children.
I usually have Phillip there with me on these trips, but went ahead without him today as he was working and I felt an urgency there.
My grandmother remembers alot. She speaks about her farm in Illinois with my grandfather. She mentions my dad was a great son. She speaks of his three other sisters, and I relate to her any information I have on my three aunts and all my cousins on that side ( there's alot of cousins!). She asks again who are my sons, and I tell her. She speaks about the food and that it's nice. I think about the oil paints and brushes that were given to me when her home was sold and how I paint with them now and how it moves me every time I push that oil onto canvas.

She is not really here. But she is still here. I am grateful for that so that my sons can know her now. I sometimes feel that there is a reason why Phillip got a good job transfer offer from Nashville to Tampa, it is so that I can spend time with all three of my grandparents who I have so many memories with, and so that my sons can know them also. What a gift! My other grandparents, the McMullens, are very much a part of our lives here and enjoy family gatherings often. I am so grateful, as I have always felt a special bond with my Mamaw.

My Grandma McCarthy, she is unique. She is of the midwestern sensibility. She is quiet, she is highly intellectual and had tons of crosswords, sci-fi, science journals, and world books (i.e National Geographics, and Readers' Digest books on ancient cultures and archealogy- one of the reasons why I originally majored in archealogy! ). She and Grandpa had their routines, their favorite places we would dine at (Paradise Cafe for example). They would act slow but then beat you in a second in a game of cards and chuckle with amusement as they gave you a bowl of dessert while Grandpa reshuffled.

Grandma kept alot in her head, and didn't feel the need to prove alot by debating or wearing her heart on a sleeve. I have tried to remember this aspect of her as a learning point for myself. I remember her specifically questioning a religious subject at one time, and I knew "She is one of the smartest women I will ever know." Not because it was religion, but because she was of an inquiring mind, and very much so...I would always read the books they had on ancient cultures and I knew I had more than genes in common with them...

So, if you can't remember everything all the time, Clara, let us do some remembering for you. I will never forget.