The Un-P.C. and Necessary way to get a job.

Many friends have been laid off lately, or are looking for a job during a very tough job market crunch. We are all know the right way to land a great new career - the past job skills, great resume, professional references, and dressing nicely for the interview. Maybe in today's world, it's not enough! Keep in mind these helpful hints and though you may think they are too silly to use, you just file them away for that moment of desperation when you know that the job should be yours....and pull them out like a helpful little friend. So what- it's sexist, stereotyping blah blah blah--- some people in the world are still like that- and mostly likely they are your interviewer. Good luck!

For Men: If your interviewer is a woman, casually mention you watched "The Notebook", that you do crosswords in ink, and that you own a dog and a cat. Women love smart, sappy, open minded men who like dogs and cats. Also, dress very nicely in a suit, good shoes, and please shave. Nothing is more unnatractive than a 2-day shadow. It's also good to remember the pits, the teeth, and fingernails. Please do not show up looking like you just finished the back 9 and your morning catch is flopping around in your SUV's cooler. Speaking of that- rent a Prius to get to the interview and park it right in front of interviewer's office. Mention you volunteer for Big Brother and then go do it.
For a male interviewer, the fish and golfing is fine, but still dress nice and wash your face and hands. Also, don't brag about how many women you slept with in college (or high school), and don't mention your fraternity more than once- it reeks of desperation. Besides men who have it, have it, and anyone can see that you have at least 30 notches in the bedpost right? Give a good solid handshake, but don't pop any bones. Dress well, and don't wear any graphics tees or anything too casual. Mention you have Superbowl tickets, even if you don't yet. You want to look like you are management material, not some 35 year old assistant.
For Women: If your interviewer is a woman, dress conservatively and wear the best outfit you have. Women are catty, and notice details, like nails, shoes and hair. Don't get JLo and do big hair, keep it in a bun or French twist. Mention you have a social life but enjoy volunteering with (make up some charity) twice a month. Don't let her think you frequent happy hours, the last thing other women want is a new Coyote Ugly girl who'll compete for the attentions of the office men. Trust me. Mention you don't have any children- and if you do, just leave that out. Nobody needs to hear this early on about daycare schedules, illness days, etc.
If your interviewer is a man- dress like a friendly hooker- include push-up bras, high pumps (black patent), black hose even though other women will thing this is tacky some men love hose. Do the nails a few more millimeters longer than necessary, with rhinestones on the end. Wear perfume like Pink from Victoria's Secret, smile alot, don't talk too much, wear the hair down and flowing. Mention happy hours. DO NOT mention children at all. If you even have 3, do not ever say anything about them...and if you do get hired, wait 90 days before displaying any photos. Also- do not mention you are married, engaged etc. Do not wear a wedding ring. Oh yeah- get an allover spray tan before the interview- this says you are wanting to be a golden ray of someone's sunshine.

Good luck! Hope this helps. Love ya'lll JLynn