Monday, August 29, 2011

Why I will never be a Real Housewife

I have weaned myself off of the Real Housewife wagon the past two years. since canceling our cable and being in general a ton more busy, I stop by Bravo.com every few months to see what's going on with an old friend (I LOVE the real estate show with Jeff....). Anyway, I have compiled a short list of why I will never be a real housewife:

My McMullen hair is too thick and wavy for it. All the gals on RHW shows have straightened hair. I always got lots of compliments on my actually very curly hair ( i have pics to prove it trust me), and I kept it super curly until about two years ago. Before that- there were some periods of trying to straighten it but in the end, I went totally natural and let the curls fly. Now,my hair is super short and fun and sexy...but I know I will never again go against the grain and try to have long straight hair-- only long, super curly hair. Accept the wave, girls!

I will never get a spray tan. Yes, I use SPF 25 or more, and get out a few times a summer to "tan" the legs and tummy. I cannot do the spray thing...just can't. When it's winter, even in the panhandle of FL, you should look paler and hipper in the jeans and boots, not orange.

My house is not full of rental bronze and faux marble furniture. Alot of RHWs seem to fill their McMansions with bizzarely oversized furniture and things they never use- like grand pianos. I love pianos- and know how to play them very well. I grew up with a perfectly nice upright piano and have never expected more in my future when I want to get one. They go against a wall - leaving more room for playing with your kids, and your book shelves.

My husband is not an alcoholic or emotional abuser.

Plastic surgery is an option- but not mine. I do not see why any attractive 30 something year old needs any work. I could understand if you are 55 and decide you need a lift, peel, tuck or something else after half a century of raising children, or working hard on a career (just as important to alot of my friends). Now, I am not talking about the people that I know who are not "RHW's" - these women already have the upper hand- the time and money for botox, lip injections, jaw implants and other things. I am talking about the women who are obsessed with their body image so young that they never enjoy their full womanhood.
Enjoy your self.

I will never have a "crib" to show off to cable tv- mostly because we are rarely here if we can't be. We love our home, and always love our homes (we move alot and are glad for it). I dress our home with stuff we find traveling, on the beach, or from family. It's a mini museum - we even have old insulaters, fossillised bones from mastodons, and other weird stuff just laying around, if anyone wants to know about, we have stories!

I am too shy. My writing is easy to me. But being in front of cameras would make me look like a deer in the headlights of a Bay County fully permitted hunter who is lit on Jim Beam and has a bad wife. You know what I mean.

Well, I have a sick child tonight. If it's not one, it's the other. Our children are always so healthy, until one gets a cold...then it's "Let's put aside a few weeks for seeing if we need a doctor time". Fun! Hope everyone out there is doing well. Times are crazy but as one good old Chinese person said (Kenko) - "It's vain to think we are living in bad times...there were always bad times before you."


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