being a mother

means...An on and off struggle about maintaining your own "self" and giving yourself to others. For someone built like myself- pragmatic to the fullest, it's been an interesting journey. I like to show others how to do more, how to build, how to figure stuff out, like I've done my entire life- often feeling very silly when having to ask others for help. Not because I don't think they can help, or because I'm too proud, but simply because I truly believe that laziness is becomming the second most worst social disease in our country. I think that everyone should have to work to figure the problem out for a while before they are given any easy answers...
The first worst social disease is self righteousness, by the way.

So, my sons get so much affection, attention, education and love that it's silly. I taught my now 3 -year old the abc's before most kids his age knew them. But, I don't tell him that. I want my sons to never be arrogant but to be willing to learn, to find things that make them happy and when older, find ways like I have over the years, to share their skills with people who might need them. It's not CHARITY I want my sons to learn about, it's LIFE.

Some people tend to seperate the two, like charity is an event, or special learning moment. It shouldn't be, it should be a part of their life, not even looked at as something to brag about, like so many people do these days. I want them to be very successful in something they are passionate about, and to incorporate that passion into a habit of sharing their insights to others so that people may benefit and help their own families. This is a humble prayer from a mother.

This mother has found a peaceful way to seperate her own self from that of being a babysitter...which is what I felt like for a while. I had to come to my own terms, and tune out all the other "mother" opinions. My good friends who know me well always said it would be hard for me in particular (the career woman), and they were right. My independent and solitude -seeking self took a while to figure out how to be a very good mom while still being a smart business woman who likes to a good bawdy humour, excellent writing, intelligent friends, loud debates, and dancing, of course.

Some people might not like to seperate themselves from the "mother" role, but understand I am always a mother, and love it. My children are my priority, just as my husband is. Our relationship has everything to do with our sons, and how we talk to them right now in their lives will show them how to live, love and be generous to others. Personally, I am totally ok with being a mother most hours of the day, but being "Jennifer, juju, or McCarthy (my old high school knickname) " for a few each day- is such a comfort and a peaceful place to land.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! Can't wait to see you next week in those hills of the greenest grass and the best sunsets.