Mortality and my kids.

I am going to take this post to write about my two sons, so if reading about kids turns you off, then change the channel now. Also, I am being nostalgic, so if that bugs you, then just watch tv or something :) In the past, I really haven't written alot about my boys...just mentioning them in passing during my posted activities. There is a sense of privacy lost when writing about my family members (near and far), but I just feel like giving them a little internet fame..
Nick (or full name Dominick McCarthy Roosen) is just over 3 years old. He and I have, currently, alot of good times together, and some battles of will. He is towheaded, strong minded, and very detailed oriented. He takes after me in some ways - he remembers what was left undone, unfixed or unnoticed every single morning, and that is all me. He is high- strung, like myself. He fights sleeping, wants to explore every single moment, and loves learning new things. Nick is very friendly to other children, tender to his new brother, and loves to cuddle (not like me, two of those things). Nick loves the beach, likes to collect things (like me) and is growing into himself - he is super tall and looks like a 5 year old. Like his dad, he likes to build things, and could stare at the tiny parts of a machine all day trying to put them together. In the end, Nick is all "himself." Like most children, they are parts of parents, mostly themselves...always evolving. I love him to the depths of my heart, am very protective of him, and worry about him alot. He loves physical play more than anything, and more than once has almost broken my nose while we have played on the floor. Good times!
Jude Emanuel Roosen is my 5 month old. He's got big blue eyes, and big McMullen ears (ok for a boy!) When I delivered him, everyone in the room said he looked like me. But Jude is his own person, and I love that. He, after the first few months of alot of crying and sleepless nights, is very laid back, very lovable, very strong, very big, and full of giggles. Nick giggled later in life, like he had to think about things first before giving anything the honor of his opinion (like me). Jude was born golden skinned, taking after my side of the family, all ready to go to the beach and already smiles when we get in the truck to go somewhere. Jude is going to be a very sweet natured boy. He lights up when Nick is around and looks to see him in the room, reaching out for his hand. Nick holds his hand in our truck when we get Nick from school. Jude is just the coolest baby in our world :)
On a recent journey to PC, someone's mother said they never thought I would have children, since I always said I wouldn't, and we laughed at that. What I meant to say was, only with the right person. There is never the perfect moment in time to take that plunge to say "yes" or to have children. I even thought for a long time, that I was ok being married without having children...and I would have been. That gives me comfort, knowing that I didn't do anything because of pressure. Which I had plenty of...you just have to put the blinders on eventually - especially for younger women who feel that pressure to get married and procreate. I ignored early options (smartly so for both parties) and am the better for it....as were they.
Life is not perfect- it's not about perfection, it's about what dreams you want to happen, how to do it, and how not to create undue drama and longterm difficulties for yourself and other loved ones. Well, life is about so many things not be written about eloquently here.
I see my old friends from home with children and know that are in good hands, also. All the crazy memories of those people are also filled with the knowledge that they are such intelligent, funny women and men that I know their kids will be alright :) And, we can always find each other for advice if needed. On the other hand, I also know of certain people out there that should have children....to be perfectly honest, people that I know the world could benefit from their little mini-me's running around. Maybe it's just the thoughts of mortality that get me every time I go to Bay County.
A few years ago, I found an old metallic keychain that says "Woman of the Year" on it. Someone from the past gave it to me, and I kept it along with alot of other things, all these years of moving around. About 3 years ago, I found it and put it back on my keychain. It meant something to me once, and therefore holds a place now.
We are all the sum of parts, as are our children. As is our past.