The mommy world becomming more open...

Thanks to writers like Ayelet Waldman, whose new collection of essays is titled "Bad Mother" there are tons of new books for mommies-to-be that offer a new look at motherhood that is without all the sanctimonious "my child birth was perfect and you did it wrong" mentality that was so popular the last 10 years. Finally, some mothers are being honest about their not so perfect childbirths, their trials with nurturing, their run-ins with other people's bad children, and dozens of other little things that happen when you have a newborn. Finally!
Don't be fooled, there are many many mothers out there who would never in a million years let you see them sweat, or admit that their own child was a hellion to raise at some point. There are still those eye-roll inducing moms who like to "share" their motivation for breast feeding in public and or offer advice like "breast is best" to those who may not do that particular thing, and those moms have serious issues. Mostly, it seems, they just think they are always right anyway so that doesn't change once they give birth. Also, they assume that other moms may not have heard this information, or that they are just to ignorant to try it. That's assuming alot. Many mothers try breast feeding and it works out fine, but it's not the business of any other mother to inform a new mom (who has enough to think about) how good it is to let it hang out all the time. That is a doctor's job. That's just one of a few mommy issues under fire lately.
Another issue that has come up in recent blogs and new books is that so many moms have set a standard so high that other moms feel less than perfect to a point of dropping self-esteem. I am seen this myself- and have been a part of conversations that included advice from one mom to a newer mom that wasn't really helpful advice- but more like preachy rhetoric from some new age book rather than a real friend. I sadly chalk alot of this up to a competitive nature that forms when women group up together under stressful situations- it is always happening and it holds women back from truly helping each other to be better parents, and to be better people. Some moms talk about how they have a perfect husband, a perfect home and they might be one of the ones I personally envy that found a way to work somewhere professionally while having a new little one. Look closer under the hood- those are the ones who feel the need to brag for a reason. Maybe their little junior is that grifter stealing your kids' toys when they come over to play (I have had this happen to me and it's really awkward to get them back) while their parent looks the other way, or they get violent with other kids because they do not get enough attention.
Other topics that are being loosened up on by "fed-up" moms are caffeine intake while pregnant, vitamins while pregnant, bedtime schedules, sleeping with parents or not, strict birth plans (we dont' have one this time from experience), and all kinds of educational topics and codes of conduct that have been vigilantly followed for years now. The point is to follow your own instinct, and your doctor's advice and to not see other moms as the "end all" examples to follow as other moms are just as clueless in the beginning as their own newborn...to a point. Natural instinct kicks in, but every household environment is so different that those instincts will follow along a certain path that is your own special creation- you and your mate's!
Whatever the case, no parent is perfect, because no human is perfect. We all know instinctively to keep a safe household, how to take care of our children and it is ok to ask questions- I did alot with our first one to whoever I could, and it really helped. I am just glad that there are so many new books and blogs that show how different all parents are, and that is ok. It is also ok to not be happy that you're up at 6 am every day, that you miss your time alone, that you lose part of your social life, or that your kids drive you to tears sometimes ( they will, most likely). It's ok to be so tired you can't hold a conversation with your lover or husband anymore that includes music, politics or news besides vaccination schedules and recalled toys. It's ok to find reasons to give your children to someone else for a while so you can get a facial (my favorite ressurected treat), or to get upset because your new car always has food, drink spots and sand in it from children.
So, if you're ever in doubt of yourself as a new parent, know that there are plenty of people in the same boat. You might not always hear about it their problems first hand. Luckily, there is great new material out there to reach for if your gray hair just showed up from the stress of it all.
Side note: from the posts I've read, Waldman was treated with hostility by a few women while a guest on Oprah because she had written in one of her online essays that she loved her husband more than her children. Whoah! I am shocked by that! I know that alot of women feel that way, and it's natural seeing as the person you have spent the most time with (probably) before your child's birth is the person you might love and feel the closest too, whether initially or for the long-haul. For some women, it takes time to really love your new child, as they are needy, hard to communicate with, and they don't necessarily love you back right away. Ok- they love you for food, play time whatever. Really comparing the two relationships is like comparing Italian pizza to Totina's. They just aren't the same. But the way that some women need to be hostile to others who just don't feel the same warm fuzzies over babies is slightly embarrassing. I don't and have never felt warm fuzzies over other people's babies and never was a girl who liked to hold or play with little ones. So I can relate to this somewhat. Other women have looked at me like I was an alien when I declined to hold or play with children- why should I feel pressured to do something i didn't want to? Other people's kids bored me, they drove me nuts or just got annoying and I didn't like spit-up on my nice professional work clothes. Also- my husband and I have always had such a close-knit bond that it was initially weird to have a third person around- our son. For a while I was like- oh yeah- we have that new boy over there! And my heart grew bigger every day. It's just easier to raise your children without that raised eye-brow look of opinion everywhere.