It's Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Hello my friends! Today is "Talk Like a Pirate" day (yes for real) so this will make your day truly fun. To go full on "pirate" here are some helpful tips:

*You really should not have bathed the last 3 days. Pirates lived on ships for log periods of time, so rarely got a real bath in. Just splash some fresh water on your pits and go free into the public confident in your pirate swagger. 

*Brush your teeth- HAR! that's for weaklings. Pick your teeth with the rib bone of a ship rat and join the ranks of the truly scary pirates. 

*Learn how to smell the air for land ahoy. Simply stick your nose in the air, close your eyes, and let the gentle breeze waft past, taking in any signs of land nearby. Reverse pirate- if you're already on land, stick your nose up and wait for the scent of salt water. Hmm. brackish bay stink is always refreshing!

*Make your bad neighbors walk the plank. Build a long plank off a ship (or land bluff) and camouflage it until needed. When your neighbors crank up the Kanye West at 2a.m. (or worse, Katy Perry), just put them in your car, drive to your hidden pirate plank, and make them really walk the line. 

*Pillage the nearest country for their women, food and gold. Just do it! YOLO! What are you waiting for? And other cliches to follow. 

* Father children in many lands..little pirate babies are so much fun and cute to boot. Send their mamas bars of silver often and visit on holidays. Baby pirates need their daddies too.

*Talk like a pirate as much as possible, "Arrg! Ahoy ! " are the only pirate sayings i can think of, so watch Pirates of the Caribbean with Mr. Depp to catch up. 

*Get an eye patch, a parrot, and a pirate flag (most available in Tampa, Florida..trust me). 

Have fun pirates!!